Articles in Category: Sexist, & Funny

Apple Solves Long-Standing Gender Issue With iTit

Susan notes: I'm brand loyal to Apple (can't live without my MacBook Pro and my iPod), but I'm not sure about this particular product... ;P

apple_itit.jpegApple does it again!

Building on the unmatched success of it's iPod line of products, Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.

The new iTit is considered a major social breakthrough, designed to address the issue of women complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thanks to Diana Tyndale,
Piranha Communications
Ottawa, Canada

Old Girlie Wisdom

girliewisdom.jpgWomen over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.

Amazing! You hang something in your wardrobe for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.  You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

What Men REALLY Think (According To Jerry Seinfeld)

Susan notes: I love Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up bit on men and women, which I use in most of my public speaking workshops. I have the DVD (which I've played a gazillion times), and was delighted to find the routine online the other day. Enjoy this "full bit," which is about 10 minutes long and VERY funny (he shares what men are REALLY thinking at about 2:40), or see the "short bit" in which he tells his take on how men view female orgasms.

The full bit

Related links:
I'll Have What She's Having (the Harry Met Sally restaurant orgasm scene)
The Male View On Female Orgasms
How Men's Brains Differ From Women's Brains

It's All In The Name

man-meets-woman.jpgA woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I chose "Carmen."

"What's your name?"

He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

Thanks to
Jim Darbyshire
Dubai, UAE

Be Careful What You Wish For From Female Fairies

40 years of marriage...

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant..

fairy.jpgSuddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.  So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female...

Thanks to:
Saira Akbar
Dubai, UAE