The One About the Amazing Woman on the Desert Island
One day a man decides to retire. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life. Until the ship sinks.
He soon finds himself on a desert island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about six months, he is lying on the beach one day in the shade of his crude lean-to, when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank,” she replies.
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools. Then I used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour."
They both get in her boat, and she rows around to the other side of the island where she docks at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat and into the sea. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a sturdy cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."
"Would you like a drink?" she asks.
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still, which I use to make my own alcohol. How would you like a Tropical Spritzer?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman says: "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom, first door on the right."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, he finds a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to the end of the bone inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned; she smells faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?”
She stares into his eyes, her own limpid and sensual.
He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "....you've built a golf course?"